Miss Manners: What’s the rule about giving an ultimatum to a friend?

Published On: July 4, 2025

Greetings, Miss Manners What is the procedure for asking someone to go to a nearly sold-out performance and having them not reply to your invitation promptly?

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I noted in my invitation that it was nearly sold out when I asked a buddy to attend a limited-edition performance. I didn’t specify a deadline; I just stated that if I didn’t hear back from her, I would buy my ticket.

Two days after I purchased my own ticket, I received a message from her expressing interest in going with me.

Should I have bought my ticket before I heard from her?

PERSONAL READER:Before giving up and purchasing yours, how long did you give her? Five minutes to two days is a reasonable range.

Miss Manners acknowledges that giving friends ultimatums can be difficult, but in this instance, setting a deadline would have been beneficial. or at the very least encouraged you to proceed.

Naturally, you do not provide an ultimatum; rather, you simply say that you are concerned that the tickets will sell out and that you will obtain yours by the end of the day, regardless of whether you have heard from her.

Although you might not sit together, you could probably still go together. particularly if there is nothing left but standing room. In any case, both of you will have gained knowledge.

Greetings, Miss MannersHow can I welcome someone to my house in a courteous manner while yet telling them not to bring their family or friends?

We made new pals who we truly adore after moving to a new city a few years ago. Additionally, our neighbors who live a few homes away will show up at any event without an invitation.

A couple of my buddies brought a couple of their mutual friends to join me for supper. It was really uncomfortable and I had to stretch the food.

When the neighbor simply shows up, how do I let them know they are not invited? It’s starting to become a trend.

PERSONAL READER:Are these two distinct circumstances? Are your neighbors simply attending other dinner parties, while your guests are bringing acquaintances they share? Or did the friends invite other friends over at the same time the neighbors arrived?

Yes, that would make the food last longer. However, if they are distinct:

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Miss Manners is worried that there isn’t much you can do right now to stop pals from showing up out of the blue. You may add, “I enjoyed meeting the McDougals, but wasn’t expecting them,” the next time you extend an invitation to them. If you plan to invite anyone else, kindly let us know the next time. Whether we can be adequately prepared will be up to us.

Regarding the neighbors, you don’t have to invite them in just because they show up. We would love to see you again, but I’m afraid we have other guests over at the moment.

At least you know that they have an easy trip home. You are stuck with friends of friends unless you banish their ride in a similar manner.

Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.