Greetings, Miss Manners The chemist typically asks for my birthdate when I pick up a prescription, sometimes in public.
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The year, shall I say? This irritates me. Do women have the right to conceal their ages? Isn’t the name, month, and date sufficient?
PERSONAL READER: Oh, please, don’t even consider that.
Indeed, it has long been believed that a woman should be able to hide her age. Are you aware of why? Because only young, attractive women were valued, aging was seen as a disgrace for women.
If you didn’t worry that strangers picking up their own medicines may overhear your birthdate, you must think this.
Miss Manners implores you to let go of this degrading notion.
Greetings, Miss MannersMy father is a genuinely amazing and beloved man, and I am throwing him a surprise 90th birthday celebration.
With his closest friends, cherished neighbors, and family at its core, I want this celebration to feel personal and significant.
I used a rather deceptive method to try to pick who to invite: I would casually ask my dad, who is still not aware of the party, if he had lately spoken with so-and-so. I removed them from the guest list if he hadn’t, interpreting it as an indication that they weren’t a major part of his life at the moment.
This is where things become complex: Some invited visitors urged that I invite more people, or they asked to bring others. Some even told me that they had already shared the party with others.
I informed those attendees that although the official party ended at five, anyone they wanted to invite might drop by beyond that to preserve the more personal atmosphere of the main event. I informed them that we would have snacks and drinks instead of another meal.
Some merely boosted their RSVP numbers without providing an explanation, without even asking.
I’m still debating if I handled things correctly, and I wasn’t sure how to react to this without coming out as impolite or ungracious.
Was it improper to recommend that visitors who weren’t invited arrive after five o’clock? Even if I could have disappointed some people, should I have simply refused to invite more people? Is it wrong of me to strive to put closeness before inclusion?
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I want this gathering to live up to my father’s warmth and legacy since it means so much to me. However, I struggle with manners, expectations, and boundaries.
PERSONAL READER: Naturally, the host has control over the guest list and has good reason to say that it is closed. Expressing remorse and want to see those suggested visitors again is the appropriate course of action.
In this instance, however, Miss Manners advises that you mean not only the rejection but also the next time. My father would definitely love to see those pals, but I’m afraid I can’t accommodate them just now. Why don’t you contact him and set up a follow-up appointment?
Miss Manners can be reached by email at [email protected], via her website at www.missmanners.com, or by mail at Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
