Leaving for the typewriter
Desmond Banes, a recent Magic signing, joked that he would blend in perfectly with his new teammates, but that his arms weren’t as long as theirs when he addressed a group of Orlando media earlier this week.
Bane made the remark in jest, but it’s obvious that he’s still upset over the fact that he was selected 30th overall in the 2020 draft because of his comparatively narrow wing span.
It just serves to highlight the absurd influence that the tape-measure mafia and analytics nerds have on professional sports. It was assumed that Bane’s wingspan of 6 feet, 4 inches, which is roughly 4 inches shorter than normal for NBA shooting guards, would hinder his ability to make certain shots and play strong defense.
Naturally, Bane has developed into one of the league’s top 3-point shooters and is regarded as a resilient, adaptable, and cooperative defender.
Bane was a four-year college player at TCU who was well-known for his work ethic, shooting technique, strength, toughness, character, and game-changing laser-beam jump shot. It’s hard to imagine that almost the whole NBA passed on him. Why? Because, like a T-Rex in sneakers, the NBA’s analytics nerdocracy estimated his wingspan and fled him in a panic.
This is the issue that arises when spreadsheets are trusted more than human inspectors. While analytics might be useful, they are not the only source of information. They don’t take the place of common sense. Furthermore, they shouldn’t be the cause of Desmond Bane’s draft-night afterthought status and Mo Bamba’s lottery selection due to his 7-10 wingspan.
The paradox of paradoxes? The Magic gave a huge package of draft picks and players to Memphis in order to acquire Bane, including Cole Anthony, who they selected with the 15th choice in the same 2020 draft in which Bane was selected 30th.
What lesson does this narrative teach us?
You cannot avoid the long arms of the law or the short arms of a cold-blooded shooter who is eliminating the NBA’s tape-measure mafia one jumper at a time, to paraphrase an old proverb.
Briefly put, we shouldn’t be shocked that it has come to this:A football player from Wisconsin is being sued by Miami for allegedly interfering with a two-year NIL contract that he had signed with the Badgers before the Canes allegedly showed up with an even larger suitcase full of cash. Nothing I’m litigating now! 32 years have passed since a Canadian club took home the Stanley Cup. The Florida Panthers’ victory against Edmonton earlier this week is thought to have been the worst day in Canada since Nickelback’s last record was released. I’m not saying that Canadians were depressed. And who would have imagined that the most successful professional club in American sports would be a Florida hockey team? It’s similar to Frosty the Snowman winning the Daytona 500 while driving a Zamboni. By the way, has the army of rubber rats that Panthers fans have been hurling on the ice surpassed Mickey Mouse as the most powerful rodent in the state?
I don’t understand why there were thousands of No Kings rallies around the nation a few days ago. Who would have imagined that such fervent opposition to a bland NBA team in Sacramento could exist? I don’t mean to imply that Oklahoma City is under a lot of pressure going into Sunday night’s Game 7, but I imagine the Thunder will be tighter than my trousers following Thanksgiving dinner. Shedeur Sanders, the rookie quarterback for the Cleveland Browns, had two speeding fines in two weeks up in Ohio: one for over 101 mph and another for exceeding 91 mph. Hey, even though he was selected in the fifth round of the NFL draft, he is seen as the clear favorite to be the first pick in the NASCAR draft the following year. Though she’s a greater flopper than a largemouth fish on a hot dock, I still adore Caitlin Clark.
Why is everyone commemorating the 50th anniversary of the Jaws movie’s debut this weekend? Instead of celebrating, we ought to offer our condolences. I wish the dumb film had never been produced. Because of that movie, I haven’t been in the ocean past my ankles in fifty stinking years. It’s the only film ever produced that has the potential to spoil a romantic evening and a beach day. And because of Jaws, sharks’ public relations issues are more serious than those of an ICE officer at East Los Angeles’ Taco Food-Truck Night. Speaking of Los Angeles, did you notice that the Buss family is asking for almost $10 billion for the majority of the Lakers? Hold on, that’s nearly as much as the NIL fund at Texas Tech! $10 billion, in my opinion, is a significant sum of money to spend on a club that hasn’t played defense since 2020. I’m not sure who I’m more sick of: Bill Belichick’s girlfriend, Aaron Rodgers, or Antonio Brown. When the Florida Panthers celebrated into the early hours of the morning and into the next day after winning the Stanley Cup, did you see how they destroyed the trophy? Somehow, the renowned trophy’s bowl split and its bottom was dented. Hey, darling, you don’t know how to party if you’re not destroying the Stanley Cup!
Finally, because Sunday is National Chocolate Eclair Day, I’m thinking about my late, terrific, big-boned Sentinel coworker Jerry Greene, who enjoyed reading the newspaper and chocolate eclairs. Jerry once said, “When you go out to the driveway to get your paper, it’s like Christmas morning every day.” The newspaper is like an unwrapped Christmas present. It’s impossible to predict what surprise awaits you.
[email protected] is my email address. Listen to my Open Mike radio program every weekday from 6 to 9:30 a.m. on FM 96.9, AM 740, and 969TheGame.com/listen, and follow me on X (previously Twitter) @BianchiWrites.
